Got Written Up in The School Newspaper

I had the first concert in the Free Concert Series I'm promoting at The Salt Lake Community College, and a guy from the school newspaper showed up and did a short story.  You can see it by following This Link.

Tried Another One

I just thought of an alternate caption.  How's this?

"How do I feel!? I feel like they should've tried a Safety!"

You know, I wasn't sure I'd be able to come up with anything for this Caption Contest, but here I go with another alternate.

"If you're going to insist on so-called 'Football Therapy,' you could've at least warned me I was picking a losing team!"

No.  That one's too long.

Paying a Government that's Not Even Open

I just want to take this opportunity to note that as I struggled to barely make a thousand dollar payment to the IRS for my quarterly taxes today, the government I paid it to has been taken hostage by a bunch of rogue bigots who have been the beneficiary of the last few decades of Republican gerrymandering, allowing them disproportionate power in representing that section of society that is small-minded, self-centered, and heartlessly cruel.  These immature, irresponsible liars that dress up as patriots would rather cause suffering to millions and shutdown our government than admit they've been wrong and allow Obamacare to be the real success it ultimately will be.  And yet I paid anyway.

I also want to note that while children are being denied Headstart programs that would allow their parents to work and contribute to society, our military spending has been made exempt from the shutdown.  You can imagine how pleased I was to read in a recent Daily Beast's article  how we've invested 5 billion dollars in a camouflage pattern for their clothing that I myself couldv'e designed in an afternoon. The cherry on that cake?  5 billion wasn't enough! They had to scrap the pattern and start all over!  And yet I made my tax payment today anyway.

I need also mention that the government I paid today has just been caught red-handed spying on me and my fellow citizens with an alarming lack of respect for our privacy, and rather than accept the need for change, their response is to attack those that exposed it.  Immature and irresponsible! And yet I paid anyway.

I paid my taxes today despite a hundred reasonable excuses not to, and I did it because I have the resolve and discipline to PAY WHAT I OWE, even though those Tea-Party congressmen in the government that I paid don't!

The New Yorker Caption Contest #400

Oh Damn!  I think I just came up with a better one.  How's this?

At projected revenue rates, we'll be able to break ground on our new office next year.

Caption Contest #399

I'm not certain I'm happy with the punctuation.  Maybe this should have been all one sentence.

Update:  I think I just got it.  It is two sentences.  I just broke it at the wrong place.  It should've read...

"Now very slowly step back two paces.  

And over one."

...right?

Now that they've announced a winner, I'd be remiss if I were not to point this out....

...which is worded far worse.

Another Cartoon Caption Attempt