Caption Contest #457

New Yorker Caption Contest #455

Feeling pretty good about this one.  I was totally blank for a while, but then when this one popped in my head, it was perfect.

Matthew 25:40

#453

I know.  It's not very good.  I was drawing a blank, and this was the best I could come up with.

#452

Much later: I came up with an alternative.  What about...

"He says you drive him up the wall."

Nah, still nothing special.

It been months since I did one of these caption contests.  I guess I got discouraged.  It's not that I mind getting beaten, but far too often I was getting beaten by crap.  Nevertheless...

#426

I had to look it up, but I knew what it was, and when I remembered it was called a Pete Windmill (Pete Townshend, for those of you who aren't old rock & rollers like me) well then the caption pretty much writes itself, doesn't it? 

New Yorker Caption Contest #425

This Was A Tough One

The first one I came up with was this.

"Sorry honey, the owner's manual is a mirage as well."

or maybe,

"As long as we're hallucinating, let's use this thing to whip up some margaritas." 

But then I decided this one needed to be really understated.

New Yorker Caption Contest #422

I got this one in only a few seconds, and the reason is personal and eerily synchronistic.  Nevertheless, my caption is just reporting exactly what I heard.

But then I came up with a better caption.

"I'd invite you in, but the maid's been away."

Yeah.  I should've submitted that one. 

420

New Yorker Caption Contest #419

Arrgghhh! Messed Up A Good Caption

I really should've spent more time proofing this one before I submitted it.

Don't Miss The Jason Jones Bit

This has got to be the best Jason Jones bit I've ever seen, and it's Jon Stewart's Daily Show at it's best.

Cupid On the Couch in #416

At first I was thinking something along the lines of,

"He's worse than my mother doc, tell him I just haven't met anyone yet."

or 

"He can have his arrows back when I finally meet someone." 

But when I got this one I knew it was much better.

Oh, but then I came up with another one that is essentially the same joke, but might be just a little better worded.

"You gotta help me doc, I can't keep their phone numbers straight!"

About 5 Mins. Later:

Damn! You know, I've been trying to be disciplined by not submitting the first (second or third) idea that comes into my head, and today is a case in point of why, because here's the caption I should've submitted.

"Tell me doc, how am I going to explain this to my wife?" 

Or maybe it just seems good because it's fairly accurate to what happened to me about 15 years ago. 

Didn't Realize it was Batman At First

I Wrote a Letter to President Obama

And here it is.

Dear President Obama;

I writing to you because I don't think you'd be happy to know that people like me are being refused access to Healthcare.Gov, which means I'm essentially being denied healthcare coverage under the AAC. 
First I want to congratulate you on getting the law passed.  I have been an ardent supporter of the AAC from the beginning.  I have a particularly fond memory of when the House took that crucial vote and passed the Senate's version of the law.  I was pretty much elated, and it still ranks as one of my best memories of when my government has done something of value for me.  And of course I watched the Supreme Court pretty closely, but where Republicans have failed to refuse me healthcare coverage, your bureaucrats running the program have succeeded.
I made the mistake of trying to sign up that first week enrollment was open, and I’ve been locked out of the system ever since. I’ve tried (not exaggerating) about 15 times to create an account, but the website simply won’t let me.  This wouldn’t be such a big problem with really any other organization, but talking to anyone at the phone number provided is absolutely worthless.  I’ve tried that about five times, and even escalated it once and demanded to speak with a supervisor, with no luck.  The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing, and I now understand that they are not associated with the website at all, and are therefore useless to me.
This morning I went into a dental clinic to get my teeth cleaned, and they refused to see me because my blood pressure was too high.  (Something like 195 over 132) I really don’t know what that means but the woman there clearly seemed concerned.  She wanted me to head over to a free clinic somewhere right then, but I had to go to work.  
I did have time to take one last stab at creating an account on Healthcare.Gov, and of course it didn’t take, so this time I tried the Live-Chat option.  Whoever I was live-chatting with was quite rude and dismissive of me, but finally agreed to “put in a report” (is what he called it) for me.
Quite quickly I was contacted by phone by someone who called herself something like an ‘Advanced Resolution Specialist.” (That’s probably not it, but something like that.)   Finally I thought I was going to get a solution to my problem, and I was up front with her before we wasted a lot of time.  I said, “I don’t need a salesman.  I need Tech. Support.”       She hid it at first, but ultimately she was nothing but another salesman trying to sell me on ‘Obamacare,’ while refusing to connect me with anyone who could fix my technical problem.  In the end she admitted that she knew nothing about the website, but said that people like me could only have an account on Healthcare.Gov if I were to change my email address.  

I’m sure you live in a different world than me, Mr President, but in my world, changing my email address would be a huge undertaking, and I have no intention of creating a ghost email that I’d have to monitor for any news from Healthcare.Gov.  It’s too much to ask.  So that’s where I drew the line.  I refused, and like I said to the guy on Live-Chat, I guess I’ll just pay the Individual Mandate fine at tax time, and wait to die uninsured.
      I wonder if I would have ever supported the law to begin with if I’d known that the only way to get coverage was to change my email address.  I’m a little offended that it was even offered up as if it were a solution, rather than getting the problem fixed on that end.  The worst of it is that I’ve fought this problem so long now, that I’m pretty certain what would fix it.  If I could somehow get my info. removed from your system then I could start fresh, and it probably would work.  
No one out of all the people I’ve talked to about this problem was willing to do that.  They’d rather deny me healthcare coverage.  I suppose I will just finish out the second half of my life the way I spent most of the first half; uninsured.
I’ve never done anything like write a letter to the President before, and I know you’ll never see it, but I’m going to post it on my blog, because I think it should be known who is really refusing me access to healthcare coverage.  

Good luck in all your endeavors,

-Richard Moore-
 

I'm Ready to Fully Support Doug Owen's Run For Congress

     I just heard that Doug Owens will be running against Mia Love for Utah's 4th district.  I hate to be so lock & step partisan, but you can count me IN!
     I don't need much convincing when it comes to the son of Rep.Wayne Owens, and here's a personal story that might shed light on why I not only supported and admired him, but I even worked on his campaign in his unsuccessful bid for a Senate seat, way back when.
     I had recently returned to Utah from Taiwan with my wife who I had met while teaching English there. She had legally immigrated, and believe me, that wasn't easy.  (If she had been so much as Diabetic or had been missing a finger they would have turned her down.)  Putting together that folder of papers for immigration was quite literally a part time job for me, for several months prior to returning to Utah with my (now pregnant) wife.
     And they lost it!  The last I ever saw of that folder was when we turned it in at LAX which was our first U.S. stop before continuing on to Salt Lake City.  We waited and waited for the green-card that was supposed to be mailed to us, but it never arrived, and when I started investigating, I realized the seriousness of our predicament.  It didn't matter who I called, it was gone.  That folder which represented months and months of work was missing, and there was really nothing I could do about it.
     What it meant was that they could have picked her up at any time and sent her back to Taiwan.  I was getting frantic and wasn't sure where to turn.  My phone calls to immigration were getting me nowhere except to alert them of her being illegally in the U.S. I started calling my representatives.  Admittedly an act of youthful indiscretion, but I was running out of options.
     As you can imagine, I was pretty much ignored by the lot of them, but there was one office that did return my call.  It was Wayne Owens office, and though I never spoke to him directly, his secretary called back a day later to tell me the green-card was on it's way!      
     Is it a lesson in the power of our policy makers?  Perhaps, but when his son Doug Owens says he's running on a platform of 'getting things done,' I'm inclined to believe him.

Cartoon Caption #414

I had submitted this caption, uploaded it to my blog here and was just walking away when I came up with something that's probably a lot better.  How's this?

"The irony is that the devise it controls is the size of a nickel."

#413

At first I was thinking something like,

"It's a small price to pay for the repeal of Obamacare."

But the big problem with that one is that you somehow have to assume you're a decade or so into the future. Not to mention that barely anyone will understand the humor.  So nix that one.

"Not to worry.  I keep hard-candy just for such emergencies."

Nahhh.  And I'm not too sure if it should be hard-candy anyway.  The elderly used to keep it around but not really for themselves.  What about

"Can you believe I actually have a copy of Readers Digest Right here."

Then there were these pair, both of which I was mostly happy with, 

"I didn't think anyone actually said 'stick-em-up' anymore."

or 

"I can't remember the last time I heard someone say, 'stick-em-up?"

and yet...  Let's tweak it a little. 

It's not very P.C. but I'm fifty myself so I'm allowed. 

California Cops Are Allowed to Kill Homeless People

Here's the article buried in the back pages of Salon.

Cops Who Beat Homeless Man To Death Walk Free

And if you can stomach it, here the video of the killing.

I wish the members of this jury were taken out and beaten like this. They deserve it.

Here's a link to a petition you can sign.

Got This One in a Flash

I think I came up with this one faster than any before.  It's a little cryptic for those numskulls picking finalists there at the Caption Contest, but I like it.

 I guess I'd like to give an alternate, however it's really the same joke, and not quite as good..

"How 'bout you hit me in the face with a pie."

Cartoon Caption Contest #411

At first I worked at a particular angle that led me to this,

"Yes sir, I'm the one who complained that you're not very approachable." 

...however I then decided that it was a pretty weak attempt.  I very nearly went with,

"I'm here about the echo."

...but it still did seem quite right, so I tweaked it a little and came up with this.

Then right after I submitted it, I suddenly had serious second thoughts about including the typed echo.  It's a little bold in style, and the caption probably would have worked just fine without it.

UPDATE:  The finalists are out, and I was clearly beat by David Witus of Mercer Island, Washington.  Here it is.

I think it's brilliant.

Michael Palin is My New Hero

          I just started a new series on Netflix called Michael Palin: New Europe, and although I'm only a few episodes in, I'm seriously hooked!  I sort of knew about these, and maybe I'm getting this wrong, but I somehow got the impression that Michael Palin found out he was dying, and that's why he decided to travel around the world with a film crew.  All I keep thinking is... "Now there's a guy who really did it.  Michael Palin really did end up living a fantastic life.  It's right there on the screen.  I'd be green with envy if I wasn't having so much fun watching.
          I love the way he's traveling.  He'll go from automobile, to train, to bicycle, to bus, to boat, to horseback, to camelback, to hot-air balloon, and that's all in one episode!  Netflix also has seasons of him in the Sahara as well as the Himalayas, but I checked and there's around ten of these.  I'm really looking forward to it.